"We Were Lucky"

On an otherwise ordinary early summer evening, my then-12-year-old daughter retreated to her bedroom and took a massive dose of extra-strength Tylenol. She had been going through a very tough time at school and was looking for a way to numb the pain.
 
Through sheer good fortune, my husband and I managed to pick up on the fact that something was terribly wrong and to get her to the hospital in time.
 
That was the beginning of our mental health journey as a family — a journey that could have just as easily ended in tragedy that night.
 
I get a shiver down my spine as I type this: We were lucky. Very, very lucky. But parents shouldn't have to count on luck to keep their children safe. Not when we have so much knowledge about what is needed to prevent and treat mental health difficulties in children.  And not when our country has the financial resources to tackle this issue head-on.

Haven’t children and families waited long enough for Canada to get serious about investing in child and youth mental health? I think the answer is yes—which is why I am urging you to take a moment to write to your Member of Parliament to insist that some of Canada’s forecasted budget surplus be invested in child and youth mental health.
 
Partners for Mental Health has made it easy too: just complete the form here and a letter will be sent on your behalf. 
 
We need to get thousands of people raising their voices in order to send a strong signal that Canadians care about this issue.  We need to let them know that counting on luck isn’t good enough. Canadian children and families deserve better.

- Ann Douglas

Note: A copy of this letter has been sent to supporters of Partners for Mental Health, a mental health charity that is seeking to "transform the way Canadians think about, act towards and support mental health and people living with a mental illness." 

Ann Douglas is the author of Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between (a guide to parenting a child with a mental health, neurodevelopmental, or behavioural challenge). She is also an engaging and inspiring speaker who sparks important conversations about parenting and mental health.

"Don't forget about the siblings"

It was a message scrawled on a flip chart in a hotel hallway -- and a message I very much took to heart: "Don't forget about the siblings."

I had spent the previous two days attending a child and youth mental health conference organized by the Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health. The focus of the conference was on redesigning the mental health care system in a way that supports families as they do the critical work of caring for a child or youth who is struggling with a mental illness. 

This particular message really hit home for me. Not only do I know what it feels like to be the parent of a child who is struggling with a mental illness, I know what it feels like to be a child who has a family member who is struggling with a mental illness.

You see, during my growing up years, my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Her illness was quite severe. She was repeatedly hospitalized for weeks or months at a time. As a teenager, I found it difficult to make sense of her mood swings (to say nothing of my own). I often found myself feeling angry -- and then feeling guilty for feeling angry. It was a very confusing time. 

When my daughter's mental health struggles began during her early teen years, I worried about the impact her illness was having on her three younger brothers -- whether they were feeling short-changed as she stumbled from crisis to crisis, demanding most of our parenting energies and attention. Once again, I found myself experiencing feelings of anger, guilt, and confusion. 

These types of feelings are not uncommon. The parents I interviewed for my new book, Parenting Through the Storm, talk about how challenging it can be to balance the needs of other family members with the needs of a family member who is struggling -- and how critical it is to ensure that all family members are able to tap into the support they need to cope with an extraordinarily challenging situation. 

A family-centered approach to care recognizes this reality. It ensures that all family members receive support so that they, in turn, can continue to provide support to the family member who is struggling. When the family is doing better, the family member who is struggling does better (and vice versa).

The Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health is leading the conversation in Canada about the type of support families need in order to thrive when a child or youth is struggling with a mental illness. You will find a number of helpful documents on their website spelling out the benefits of what they are calling a FamilySmart (TM) approach to care. It is a conversation that is long overdue and much needed -- and that has the potential to make a world of difference for children, youth, and families.

Related:

Jesse is a true-to-life and heart-wrenching short film by Toronto filmmaker Adam Goldhammer that deals with the joys and challenges of growing up with a sibling who is struggling. (Film description: "After her parents are killed in a car accident, twenty-two year old Kelly Turner finds herself in the overwhelming position of being the sole caregiver for her older brother Jesse who has autism.")

Ann Douglas is the author of Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between (a guide to parenting a child with a mental health, neurodevelopmental, or behavioural challenge). She is also an engaging and inspiring speaker who sparks important conversations about parenting and mental health.

Why I Wrote Parenting Through the Storm

If you've found your way to this blog page, you probably know at least a little about my new book, Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between, which is being published by HarperCollins Canada in January.

It's a guide to parenting a child with a mental health, neurodevelopmental, or behavioural challenge*. 

My reason for writing this book is pretty simple. I've walked this path (four times, actually: each of my four children has been diagnosed with one or more mental health, neurodevelopmental, and/or behavioural disorders*) and I know how it feels when your child is struggling. I set out to write a book that would

• let other parents know that they're not alone on this journey and that it's normal to be feeling what they're feeling;
• offer practical advice on parenting techniques and self-care strategies for parents and siblings;
• provide guidance on becoming an effective advocate for your child and helping your child to develop self-advocacy skills;
• encourage all members of our communities to speak frankly and think creatively about mental health and mental illness. 

I will be embarking on a cross-Canada speaking tour in support of this book, starting in January 2015. I am hoping to encourage conversations (both online and face-to-face) about the issues raised in this book and to offer support and encouragement to families who are grappling with these issues. Please get in touch if you would like me to come to your community to speak to your group. (I would love to find a way to make that happen. Let's brainstorm the possibilities.)

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* You'll notice that I prefer the term "challenge" to the term "disorder." That's because "challenge" leaves the door open to the possibility of change and growth, while disorder tends to be a lot more limiting. I have a lot more to say about this issue in the book, as you can imagine. 

Ann Douglas is the author of Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between (a guide to parenting a child with a mental health, neurodevelopmental, or behavioural challenge). She is also an engaging and inspiring speaker who sparks important conversations about parenting and mental health.